What to do when friends get divorced
When everyone else's relationships are falling apart hello, summer of breakups , sometimes we can't help but wonder if it's contagious. Here, a few warning signs that your pal's broken marriage could be hurting your own. Empathy is a great quality, but it can be a double-edged sword. When you see a friend in pain because her marriage is ending, it's natural to want to commiserate and share some of your own relationship anecdotes "My husband is a terrible listener, too! But if you do too much of that, you're not honoring the privacy of your own—knock on wood—intact marriage. Les Carter.
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Divorce: How to be there for a friendContent:
What to Say to a Friend Going Through a Divorce
You have been best buddies for years. And, almost as much as growing old with your spouse, you picture growing old with them. Until — divorce. When the couples you are closest to start to fall apart it can hurt almost as much as if your own marriage were ending. Family trips and weekend barbecues will never be the same. Friends becoming the family you chose is true for many, and when a family splits up everyone suffers. So, what do you do when your best friends decide to call it quits?
They are your friends for a reason. You probably love them like family. Try to remember that the problems they have with one another are theirs and not yours. They have decided to leave each other, not leave your friendship. And, although it will be a difficult process to redefine the boundaries of your relationship, you should still be there to listen and support as they each need it.
Your pain at their split is not their focus right now. But your friendship is likely to be needed more than ever. Try not to take sides. Whatever the reasons they have decided to end their marriage, getting drawn into the drama will not help them, or the future of your friendship.
Remaining neutral but caring is your best course. And taking sides can affect your own relationship and family in a negative way, too. The landscape of your relationships with each of your newly single friends will change bit by bit. With effort and caring it will maintain, but many things are likely to be different.
How different will depend a lot on how friendly their split is, but accept that going forward you are still not likely to be doing group vacations. Spending time with each of them in different ways may take a bit of juggling.
It may also require a conversation with each of them about your intentions to stay friends with them both and how that will look.
He comes to one event and she comes to another? Or, will they be okay under the same roof? This is new territory for you and your family. This can create a need to explain marriage separation and divorce to your kids. It may also scare them. If this can happen to another family, could it happen to yours?
Reassuring your children that each family faces unique circumstances, and that they are safe should be a priority. Children, both yours and theirs, are another reason not to take sides. Your children probably love them each like family and do not need to hear bad things about either one of them. Their children may love you like family and need all the positive adult support and love they can get. Much like your children wondering if this could happen to their own family, you may be wondering the same thing.
Every relationship is different and faces different problems. No matter how similar you felt you were as couples in the past, their problems are not yours. However, this may be a good time to talk with your spouse about what you value in your relationship and how to keep things strong between the two of you.
Nothing about divorce is easy. When it affects close friends or family it is a sad situation for all. Just try to remember that they are divorcing each other, not you. As an expert in understanding men, their partners, and the unique relationship challenges couples face today, he regularly appears on The Huffington Post, NerdWallet and PsychCentral. Kurt is a lover of dogs, sarcasm, everything outdoors, and helping those seeking to make their lives and relationships better. Check out his weekly tips on Facebook or Twitter.
Find help or get online counseling now. By Kurt Smith, Psy. Support They are your friends for a reason. Adjust The landscape of your relationships with each of your newly single friends will change bit by bit. Protect Your Relationship and Family This is new territory for you and your family.
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Divorce Etiquette 101
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It hurts when friends turn away after your divorce. When my husband left me for another woman, it was like a death. One warm November day, as we sat on our deck while our two children played inside, he suddenly blurted out that he had been having an affair for the past year. Like many deaths, the news was totally unexpected. In those first few days and weeks, friends rushed in to comfort me.
What to Do When Your Friends Divorce
Your friend breaks the news that she and her husband are going through a divorce. It could be a shock or you may have seen that coming a mile away. Of course, that also could be none of your business, depending on how close you are to your friend. But if you two are close, the answer to that question will tell you whether it will be quick or a long, drawn-out process. What you can do is listen. Simply let your friend talk. Let her know that you are always available to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Divorce is 3 parts emotion and only one part legal. Listening is your most important job. Many people going through divorce feel like they cannot talk about it or they get too embarrassed.
How to Support a Friend Going Through a Divorce
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. After 29 years of marriage, I asked my wife for a divorce. We had some discussions and agreed we had been living like roommates for years.
Got a divorced friend? You might be next. It turns out that divorces are contagious.
6 Tips to Avoid Hurt Feelings When Your Friends Divorce
I started drafting this during my divorce as a response to well-intentioned friends who kept asking what they could do for me. I was at a loss as how to reply make me not hurt? While no one can remove the pain, they can ease it. Here are 12 things people did that actually helped:.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Truth About Divorce - What Do Men Need To Know?
You just got the news that your friends, that couple you've known for years, are getting a divorce. No matter the circumstances, you're wondering what happens next. What are you supposed to do? And what about the friendship? Should you try to stay close with both?
11 Things Divorced People Want To Say To Their Married Friends
A good friend just told you that she's getting a divorce and you don't know the right way to respond. The best thing you can say in this situation is simply, "I'm here for you. The easiest way to provide support is to take your cues from her: If she wants to just spend time with you without talking about her ex, do that. If she needs a few late-night sessions to vent and work through her grief, be there for her. If she just wants a little company, offer to take her along on your morning walks or to the gym; come by with coffee or a bottle of wine! Don't forget she may need practical help, too: Offer to drive her kids places or ask your husband to help out with chores like mowing the lawn or getting the oil changed in her car, suggests Swann.
You have been best buddies for years. And, almost as much as growing old with your spouse, you picture growing old with them. Until — divorce. When the couples you are closest to start to fall apart it can hurt almost as much as if your own marriage were ending. Family trips and weekend barbecues will never be the same.
If two of your friends are getting a divorce, you may find yourself in an awkward position. All of you probably won't be hanging out together anymore and you might feel caught in the middle of a tug-of-war. Still, that doesn't mean you can't try your best to stay loyal and true to your friends after a split.
Supporting a friend through divorce can be difficult. Unfortunately, we fail to respond when it hits us hard on the face. I have more than a dozen girlfriends from school and many more since then.