Should my husband have single female friends
This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. Q: My husband of 20 years has a friendship with a married woman he met while playing on a co-ed sports team for several summers. When I first met her, he spent his whole evening sitting with and talking to her. He introduced me but she said nothing more than hello. My husband often talked about how kind and great this woman was. Their co-ed team was very private, often having parties without the spouses invited though I asked several times about attending.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Orlando Marriage Therapist - Married Men with Female Friends - Steve McNair - Daily Buzz Show Video
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Can Men Have Female Friends?Content:
- The Widespread Suspicion of Opposite-Sex Friendships
- Dear Therapist: My Husband Keeps Texting With a Female ‘Friend’
- Can Men Really Be "Just Friends" with Women?
- Why Opposite-Sex Friendships Will Destroy Your Marriage
- Can Men and Women Just Be Friends? Steve Harvey Says No
- Why Are So Many Married Men Afraid of Female Friendships?
The Widespread Suspicion of Opposite-Sex Friendships
It can be a challenge to balance the intimacy of our marriages with the other important friendships in our lives. This is especially true if we have close friends of the opposite gender.
The first question to ask ourselves is, where are we going to invest our energy and focus? Obviously, our marriage is the most precious relationship to protect. Not at all. But we may have to make some changes in order to prioritize our marriages moving forward. Read on for a few common opposite-gender friendship scenarios…and how to handle them.
That is, unless your spouse is feeling deeply unnerved by it. Your treatment of the situation should help reassure your spouse that your friendships are safe.
If you can, involve your spouse in the friendships, or build them into couple friendships. Set some boundaries that help your spouse feel more secure, like carefully considering where you go and what you do with these friends. Above all, make sure your spouse can feel comfortable and relaxed—not uncomfortable and anxious. Building these protective hedges around your marriage will let your spouse know that you cherish your relationship, and you care about it enough to protect it at all costs.
Be aware that a friendship with your coworker could make your spouse feel suspicious, jealous, and vulnerable. With this in mind, reassure your spouse that you love them and cherish your relationship. Keep your in-office interactions as public as possible, and make sure to speak positively about your spouse often.
Display photos of your spouse and children around your desk to show their importance to you life. Perhaps your spouse might feel more comfortable if you agree not to be alone with your coworker for prolonged periods of time. You might need to avoid going off-site alone with your coworker friend, to lunches, meetings, or elsewhere. Most importantly, if your spouse comes to you upset about your friendship, be careful not to become defensive or reactive.
Above all, keep the dialogue open and honest. First, you need to sort through your feelings. But before you pursue this friendship, ask yourself a few questions:. Listen to your gut. Talk to your spouse about this potential reconnection to see how they feel. If you decide together that this ex can be brought into your current life as a friend, it might work out if they can also be friends with your spouse.
But tread carefully—this is sensitive territory. The bottom line is to always, always protect your marriage first.
How do you and your spouse navigate opposite-sex friendships in relation to your marriage? I have a lot of guy friends who are strictly just friends but my husband feels threatened by every single guy who I talk to or talk about with him and he believes that he caught me talking to guys and flirting with them because at some point I was texting them more than my husband.
He needs therapy but refuses. I am an outgoing, professional woman — had many close male friends when I married at Well said!!! Thank you. This article made me very uneasy.
I use to have a marriage that used this luke warm approach to marriage and now its destroyed. Playing with fire- you will get burned. The marriage is sacred and satan wants to destroy you and your spouse. If only all men could understand and see that. It causes a huge problem but he refuses to see that there is a problem with constantly connecting with other women.
What helped me was a five minute conversation with him. My wife was talking to him and had to go take care of something.
Maybe remind him that you had all those friends before, and you chose him, and you still would. My husband and I had similar issues with what we considered appropriate in regards to communication and friendship with the opposite sex. It became such a big issue that we realized we needed to BOTH meet with a counselor and sort through it all.
It was the best thing we could have done. I wish my husband would go to therapy with me. It would be so nice to get an unbiased persons help. I am insecure but I have my reasons for it. He has never cheated on me but has crossed emotional boundaries.
I agree with EmilyM. And As a husband of a wife who had many guy friends before we got married, I knew that she chose me over those other guys. I felt that I became less of a concern for her. That has freed up her mind to think about our marriage more. With all due respect Sandra, your approach to this is going to derail your marriage. Rather it invalidates his very real if misguided emotions, and he interprets your response to him as very disrespectful.
The quickest way to push a husband away from you is to disrespect him. Telling him he needs therapy even if he does have some things to work out further sends the message that he is not the man you want him to be.
Think of how you might feel if he bought you a diet cookbook for your birthday. Even if you confide to your girlfriends that you could shed a few pounds which I am NOT insinuating here , getting that book from him feels like an unloving gesture. Also, since he is the one threatened, ask him what he would like to see change in order for him to feel more comfortable and confident in his marriage. Seeking this understanding is the only way you can approach a solution to the issue.
I would also encourage you to re-read section 1 above and commit to doing whatever it takes to protect the marriage, even if it means ceases from these communications. Bill thank you for this comment from a man point of view. Instead of dismissing the insecurity your approach would have saved my relationship. Every case is different, however I do believe there must always be boundaries if you are in a committed relationship.
Am I insecure? Yes because my ex-wife cheated on me with someone who was a friend of ours. Affairs can start out with seemingly innocent relationships. It always starts off emotional before it gets physical. So in my opinion, your relationships with the opposite sex should be very guarded and you should value your husbands opinion and respect his desires.
Otherwise, you are creating tension and struggles for him. As a girl who loves sports, I could easily spend a lot of time with guys talking about and watching sports. If I did this, I would be taking time away from getting other things done so I could ultimately spend quality time with the one person I chose to devote my life to — my husband.
Our intimate partners need our time, attention and affection. They deserve to have ALL of use because they are devoting themselves to us as well. Having other men to run to takes away opportunities for your spouse to grow and learn to be there for you in new situations. Just my opinion. What if spouse loves the attention of other women? What if he agreed to go to several counselors but dismissed their advice , because he knows more than they do.
You are not alone on these issues. My first husband was the same way. I just dealt with it for years not knowing what to do. Then i got involved in a marriage class support group at church. It hurt me so much to share what was going on, but i did it. They prayed for me and for him. But best advice they gave me was for me to go get some Godly Christian counseling. It really helped me. I will pray for you and please try to get some counseling. They give free counseling names in your area.
God Bless your heart. And remember God Loves You. I really appreciate the comments written above. My work as a paramedic puts me with women partners all the time so this definitely could become an issue. Things that have helped are my relationships with Jesus Christ, older married mentors and intentionally investing in my wife.
It took 5 years for me and our pastor to convince my husband to put boundaries in place. Although they are now all in place, the resentment I feel for having to initiate and try to convince all this time has all but ruined my health. Our spouse is given to us by God to be a safeguard against sin.
God uses our spouse to help us become more Christlike.
Dear Therapist: My Husband Keeps Texting With a Female ‘Friend’
We questioned 13 real men and women to get their candid opinion on whether girl and guy best friends can exist. It's the age-old question that comes up in every rom-com where the guy and girl best friends eventually fall in love: Can men really be just friends with women? What happens when something platonic crosses the line? We questioned 13 men and women of all ages and backgrounds to get their take on whether guys can really have a relationship with a girl that doesn't involve sex. Our genetics simply drive our attraction to the opposite sex!
For some guys, it would. Because although it might sound absurd and antiquated on its face to say some men have trouble with the idea of opposite-gender friendships outside the confines of marriage, the fact is, many of them still do, despite how much gender roles in society have evolved. Kelso, a year-old travel agent in San Francisco, has female friends who his wife has no problem with, he says. Why does she want to hang out with a married dad? Los Angeles IT specialist Scott says he started distancing himself from female friends after his wife expressed some disapproval about it.
Can Men Really Be "Just Friends" with Women?
It can be a challenge to balance the intimacy of our marriages with the other important friendships in our lives. This is especially true if we have close friends of the opposite gender. The first question to ask ourselves is, where are we going to invest our energy and focus? Obviously, our marriage is the most precious relationship to protect. Not at all. But we may have to make some changes in order to prioritize our marriages moving forward. Read on for a few common opposite-gender friendship scenarios…and how to handle them.
Why Opposite-Sex Friendships Will Destroy Your Marriage
Questions like: How close is he to that female friend? How often do they hang out? Do they spend time alone? How sexy is she?
I think almost all married people have friends of the opposite gender while married. But some of us reading this blog are getting divorced or are already divorced because our husband had a friendship when we were married that became an inappropriate friendship, and then an emotional affair and finally a full-fledged sexual affair that destroyed our marriage. When you think about it, our spouses often spend more waking hours with their work companions than they do with us.
Can Men and Women Just Be Friends? Steve Harvey Says No
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear.
What if one person stays in touch with an ex, or has an opposite-sex pal? A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology estimated that an opposite-sex friendship can result in an affair as often as 15 percent of the time. Author, comedian, actor and host Steve Harvey tackled this topic with a number of couples. Vanlandschoot, 33, had a female friend who was coaching him in a speaking competition. Marsch, 37, knew about her, but one day saw an e-mail from her husband to this woman and it was signed, "Love ya. Although Marsch says that men and women can have opposite-sex friends, she felt uncomfortable and confronted him.
Why Are So Many Married Men Afraid of Female Friendships?
While there are a lot of ways to screw up a marriage, spouses who have close opposite-sex friendships are toying with one of the riskiest and most short-sighted behaviours that commonly lead to infidelity and ultimately divorce. Many of my consults begin with a client saying something like this: "My husband is constantly texting a female co-worker Or this: "I know my wife is always texting or on Facebook with her personal trainer. Now she locks her cell phone and has changed her online passwords. If I ask her who she's talking to, she freaks out and says I'm being paranoid, jealous and controlling.
What if one person stays in touch with an ex, or has an opposite-sex pal? A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology estimated that an opposite-sex friendship can result in an affair as often as 15 percent of the time. Author, comedian, actor and host Steve Harvey tackled this topic with a number of couples.
Krista J. Is that wrong? As readers offer Krista advice, another question emerges: can married men have female friends? Friendship can lead to flirtation, and what once seemed harmless can grow and grow.